Meeting a Lord, becoming Eccentric (Part One)

I was finally on my way to The Eccentric Club.

Initially, I was feeling down about failing the simple challenge I'd been set prior to the trip; however my dark mood about not being able to get hold of a suave green tweed suit for the day was soon lightened by a conversation between two young gentlemen sat behind me on the London-bound train.

You see, if you're ever unsure about the tolerance levels of your close-proximity audience when discussing loudly and in-depth about an intimate experience you had with a lady or man the night before, well - just change the names of body parts to items of fruit. Its so obvious. A sure-fire winner. It's almost guaranteed people will be none the wiser as to what you're talking about. Although, if you do want to make sure you're being 100% discreet, perhaps you shouldn't use bananas and melons as the fruit examples. It didn't take me too long to figure out what that was all about, if I'm honest. Pineapples, though? I haven't got a clue. Talk about pineapples all you want. Still trying to work out exactly what that might represent, in actual fact...



Got an idea?

Anyway, a short tube ride from Paddington and I had reached Mayfair at around 2pm, an area of London I instantly became in awe of. It was the first time I'd seen The Ritz, for one thing. It was so iconic. Even though it was covered in scaffolding and surrounded by builders talking about England captain John Terry's 'disgraceful behaviour, of late', among other things.

The business men and women looked sharply dressed everywhere I walked, too (although I didn't see anyone wearing a green tweed suit), and there was a hustle and bustle 'money talks' feel to the place that I had never really seen before. I felt like I probably didn't belong, if I'm honest; yet I knew as a newfangled Lord I had to try my best to fit in. I started to swagger in the grey suit I was sporting, and took my phone from my pocket before shouting 'Get me New York!' into it whilst waiting at a busy zebra crossing. No doubt people got the impression I was slightly insane, but I didn't care. It was my way of helping me get a grip on the place.

Imants Von Wenden, the Eccentric Club Secretary, had kindly agreed to show me around in the afternoon, prior to the Convivial Meeting in the evening. I was due to meet him at The Arts Club on Dover Street, the current location that the Eccentric Club called 'home'. As I walked towards my destination, I couldn't help feel a touch of nerves. What would happen if I wasn't accepted? Would Imants question my Lordship like the girl from the Savile Row tailors did? I told myself to stop being ridiculous, remembering The Eccentric Club's motto:

Nil Nisi Bonum - 'Say nothing of others but good'.

If this wasn't proof that I was likely to be accepted, I wasn't sure what would be. Plus the club had an ample selection of Lords as members, past and present. I would just be another person to share a debate and a Cuban cigar with, no doubt. A top hat and a moustache might have helped the look I was sporting, though. Added a little more eccentricity, perhaps. I still rued the fact that I hadn't slicked my shaggy long hair back, at the very least.

I decided to ignore my disposition and took a deep breath as I reached the steps up to the Arts Club's polished wooden facade. Through the windows I could just about see the end of a chequered marble floor, and an understated but elegant spiralling staircase attached to a wall covered in classic paintings, just beyond it. You could sense the club's feeling of tradition and heritage from this view alone. I walked up the steps and through the doors and announced myself to the lady stood guarding the reception. She took my coat and told me to head on upstairs to the dining room, and that Imants was expecting me. My swagger returned as I walked through the hallway. She didn't even raise an eyebrow at my appearance. Clearly I had more of a respectable air than I had actually given myself credit for. I began the ascent up the carpeted stairs and towards my host; closing in on what was due to be an afternoon and evening unlike anything I'd experienced before...

Lord Christopher Ward

The Green Suit

So - it turned out Imants Von Wenden of The Eccentric Club hadn’t been winding me up. I really had been cordially invited to attend an evening in the company of fellow Lords at The Arts Club in Mayfair.

With his confirmation finally assured, I wanted to begin planning the finer details of my trip straight away – where I would stay, who I planned to talk to, what my approach would be, what I would need to do to push for membership – it had been a few years since I had been to London, and as shameful as it sounds, the thought excited me in the way a holiday to France used to excite me as a small child. It was so horribly cliché; yet a trip to London actually felt like a big deal. Comparing the number of visits in recent years, it was probably more foreign to me than a trip to France, too.

The whole experience was likely to be quite different for me in any case, so I felt I could justify needing some time to prepare. Unfortunately, I didn’t get such a luxury, because in the email I had previously sent Imants requesting clarification of the invite, I had made the mistake of querying exactly what I should be expected to wear for the occasion (The Eccentric Club website pictures a man with a birdcage on his head; I didn’t want to turn up looking underdressed). Anyway, in a fashion I would soon become accustomed to when exchanging emails with the wonderfully enigmatic Eccentric Club secretary, I received the following, rather off-the-cuff response:

“ One of the organisers of this party wondered whether you would be prepared to come all dressed in green [suit, probably] or change at the club into green, perhaps? We’ll explain everything about that peculiar request when we meet. If you would rather be in a more traditional attire, we most certainly will understand.”

I was completely thrown off guard. I had no idea where to start with this request. A green suit. Who owns a green suit? I gave it some thought, but could only think of leprechauns as an obvious example; or Tiger Woods receiving his green jacket for winning The Masters golf championship at Augusta, for some reason. I was pretty sure that turning up as either a leprechaun or a golf champion wasn’t exactly what Imants was after, though. Plus it wasn’t a great time to be replicating Tiger Wood’s style, let’s face it. I decided to trawl through the internet for inspiration, instead. The first image I came across was this rather fetching example:


Feel free to photoshop my face onto this one if you like.

I felt it probably wasn’t wise to attend dressed as a 1970’s Harlem pimp either, though. Eccentricity or no eccentricity, going dressed like this was probably going to be a bit much for most people to stomach at 7.47pm - just after dinnertime. I decided to investigate the possibility of finding a normal suit that just happened to be green, instead. This would allow me to blend in subtly with those around me, whilst not failing in my attempts to achieve the goal I had been set.
It was depressingly slim pickings. There just aren’t many respectable green suits out there. Plus, when I did find decent suits that were definitely green, they were always unbearably expensive; it began to feel ridiculous. I thought about emailing Imants to tell him there was no chance of me adhering to his request, but then an idea suddenly popped into my head. A Luke Skywalker moment, if you like. Use the title, Chris. Use the title. I gathered together the email addresses of all the top tailors in and around Savile Row, and set about putting a few ‘feelers’ out, courtesy of Lord Christopher Ward...

Merry Christmas and an Eccentric New Year

Over the Christmas period, things finally started to take off. My title was beginning to get me somewhere. First of all, the Eccentric Club responded to my email positively, suggesting I might be worthy of membership at their distinguished outfit. Then their club secretary, the magnificently named Imants von Wenden, kindly decided to give me the contact details for some other members of the organisation who might be considered potential associates. I couldn't quite believe my luck - I was now in possession of some genuine connections.

Despite this, I initially held off from emailing anyone straight away. It just didn't feel right; as if there was something tangible missing. Something set in stone that could give me a reason to get in touch with them.

Then, on the 21st December, that something arrived, via an email that read as follows:

Invitation to The Eccentric Club, Mayfair- 28th Jan 2010.
From:
The Eccentric Club
To:
ci_ward@yahoo.co.uk

The Eccentric Club Invitation:

You are being cordially invited by the Committee of The Eccentric Club (following a recommendation by one of our members) to join our monthly Open Convivial Meeting on the 28th of January 2010, Thursday, at 7.47pm. The meeting will take place at the Arts Club, 40 Dover Street, Mayfair, London W1S 4NP (nearest underground station - "Green Park").

Our Monthly Open Convivial Party is designed as a joyful and merry evening, full of entertaining conversations, drinks and nibbles, performances by the Club members and the surprise guests, and the unique opportunity to get acquainted with the existing members of the Club.

Fun goes hand in hand with social networking here - come and rub your shoulders with the world’s leading artists, fashion designers and performers, lawyers and politicians, members of the aristocracy and the eccentric inventors. But this is not just another networking club – as all our guests are carefully selected by the organisers and privately invited to attend.

Entrance is free, but is a subject to our Confirmed Guest List. A full cash bar will be in operation for the guests. Dress code: smart/casual or smart/eccentric. Ties & scarves: black or eccentric (in their colours/design).Please announce yourself to the Porter upon your arrival as a guest of the Eccentric Club.We are looking forward to seeing you with us, for more information please consult the following websites: http://www.eccentricclub.co.uk/
http://www.theartsclub.co.uk/

Please confirm your attendance of the event by email as soon as possible.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Best regards,

I v W / Club Secretary

As if this wasn't enough, the very same day I received a Christmas card sealed in a golden-lined envelope, confirming the meeting and wishing me a Merry Christmas:

I was finding this slightly hard to fathom. The Eccentric Club was actually inviting me into their club. OK, so it wasn't membership, but it was the next best thing. It was an opportunity to finally meet some other Lords that I now shared something in common with - recognition by The Eccentrics. After all, the invite had stated that it had been by recommendation. I had to confirm with the club secretary that this was really true. That they really were inviting me to mingle with aristocracy. I turned on my laptop and started to think about all the things I would need to do, prior to jumping on a train and heading to London at the end of the month.

Lord Christopher Ward